I’m typically known as an honest, straight forward person. It use to get me in some trouble because I didn’t know how to use this character trait as a good thing. I just said the first thing that came to my mind and didn’t think about how it could be taken. Sometimes I still struggle with it, but with time and maturity, I think I’ve grown in discernment.
That being said, I had a hard time writing this weeks post. I had some ideas. I didn’t have ideas. I’m not feeling inspired to write about anything particular and it’s frustrating. There’s a lot going on in my life right now – good and meh-ish – and at times it feels like a roller coaster. I feel like a roller coaster. I’m not sure if that’s causing my relationship with God to feel like a roller coaster, too, or if my life feels like a roller coaster because my relationship with God is. Does that make sense?
I’ve been having really high highs with Him. I’ll feel really close to Him and have this burning desire to fall in love with Him more and then I’ll hit a low and feel distant. Apathy begins creeping back in. I can tell I’m putting off quiet time with Him because that extra hour of sleep is oh so needed.
The thing I’ve learned and am still learning is, I don’t have to have it all together all the time. My life isn’t filled with only highs and my relationship with Jesus isn’t always going to be warm and fuzzy. I’m a sinful person and I’m going to think I know best. Or, my life can be done alone and it’s easier to turn my humanity switch off (Vampire Diaries fans I’m talking to you) and not feel. But, I think that’s when I have to draw even closer. It may not be easy. It may take a ton of self control and I could have to force it at times, but I know I need Him and I know life is so much harder when I turn my back on Him.
Something I keep reminding myself is God doesn’t walk out on His people. He keeps His promises. Everything He does is for our good and His glory. When pain, frustration, confusion, loss, – whatever it is – is occurring, remember that God can take the worse things in life and redeem them into the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen.
Psalm 73:28 “But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge. I will tell of all your deeds.”
That word resonates with me daily. During a very difficult time in my life, I clung to the verse Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings, you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” I knew Jesus was my safe place. The place I could run to. The person I could talk to. Cry to. Scream at. Whatever it was, Jesus was where I knew I could turn. He was the person who would truly show me perfect love, grace, forgiveness, and hope.
He’s still very much all of those things. That will never change, but my feelings will. I’ll feel close. I’ll feel distant. I’ll feel apathetic. I’ll feel the best I ever have. Feelings fluctuate and they’re fleeting. That’s why during these times, I need to dig into my relationship with Jesus deeper and move past the emotions. I need to continue to stand on solid ground and remember where my hope comes from.
May we all run towards God when we feel like burying ourselves under our blanket and binge watching Netflix.